Fixated Passion

A Call From A Friend | March 25, 2010

I swear, some of us females sureeeeee know how to pick ’em, huh? Not too long ago (around 3am), I got a text from a guy who, I’m afraid to admit, still has a little piece of my heart. And the irony of THIS text is, I had read an entry from kHRiS blog (@iTS_kHRiS) just mere hours before going to sleep, so waking up to a text after just expressing how this ninja still has me…? Yeah, pretty much screwed.

I sat for about 5 minutes contemplating if I should text him back. Let me back track for a minute and brief on the “deets” with me and this guy. Met him five years ago, we got together, broke up, became bestfriends, then got together again and lasted about 2 years until things happened and well, here we are. March 7th would have been 3 years together, but you understand how that goes (I’m really trying to stop dwelling on it, but I’m heartbroken, so excuse me for showing it). But, within the 5 minutes of contemplating my response, he calls.

I know that ya’ll know I answered. Why? Well… why not? We are still ‘friends‘ so to speak. Awl hell, let me stop lying. I don’t know WHY I answered, maybe a part of me just yearned to be on the phone with him. His voice still brings a smile on my face and his accent still gives me chills, good chills. For real though, my mother used to be one of the ones clowning his voice, then she met her boothang (who happens to be from the same place as my friend) and now she understands EXACTLY how I feel.

I’m just jones’n on the phone right now, writing this entry. I don’t know why. I mean, he’s still cool, but I think I’m ready to FINALLY pull my heart out of his grasp. I think TheStrange0ne wants to be herself again. This will probably be the last phone call ever with him, and even though I said it last time, I really mean it tonight. It’s time to move on and no looking back. It hurts; brings tears to my eyes; but, it has to be done.

So long old friend, thanks for one last late night call.



  1. wow. irony sure has a way of showing its ugly head dont it? my first love for a very VERY long time had me like this as well. we were engaged, we were pregnant (he ended up deciding that it wasnt in our best interest to have that i didnt) & best friends since shit..forever. he broke my heart in 2006 & yet i STILL allowed him to have some type of control over me. i think our farewell convo was when i was like 3 or 4 months pregnant with Kaylen. yes took THAT long. i tried to hide it in pointless relationships but i knew that he had my heart still. the day i talked to him for the final time made me cry but i couldnt figure out if they were tears of sadness or joy at the time. Kaylens almost 1 now & though i loaned my heart to his father for a while its soooo relieving to know that MY heart is finally MINE again. getting to know u, i know ure an amazing person & i cant wait for u to enjoy this feeling that you so deserve.

    & on that note…im taking my ass to bed. ttyl love. : )

    Comment by Khris — March 25, 2010 @ 4:52 am

    • I’m glad you feel like its out of your system. You went through the ringer with this guy…and to hear you talk about him without having a meltdown or callin him everything but a child of God tells me something…I’m proud of you sis!

      Comment by flyymeng0peach — March 25, 2010 @ 11:27 am

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